Best Bond Ever? Nope…

Best Bond Ever? Nope…

[NOTE: Spoiler Alert]

I, like any self-respecting Brit love the Bond series. Supposedly the most successful movie franchise the world has ever seen. Every few years the legacy of Ian Fleming is extended with great media attention and record breaking box office attendance (despite the problems that the cinema is currently having).The hype of the new Skyfall movie is overwhelming so when posed with a decision between Looper and Bond the answer was clear.

The opening Bond scene (particularly in recent years) contains arm-rest grabbing chase sequences that make you want to join MI6 so you can be THAT BADASS. The mandatory song sequence was mesmerising and Adele blew us away with an emotional performance of a strong orchestral piece (note that I know absolutely nothing about music…

I do however have a few serious issues with this movie that particularly annoyed me because it seems as though the public have made up their mind before seeing this film. It makes me lose faith in their opinions and if they can like it “because it is just Bond, and Bond is cool”, then God help us when Boris runs for Prime Minister…(I still don’t get why people like him – he hasn’t completed a coherent sentence, let alone done anything visible in power – Ken was the one who brought in the Olympics and the “Barclays” Bikes).

Miss Moneypenny – one of the fun things about Bond was how he never “got” Moneypenny. Their flirtatious relationship alluded to a soul mate for Bond if he were to ever settle down, now she is just another completed conquest.

Q – is pathetic.

Firstly Ben Whishaw has nothing on Desmond Llewelyn (as a side note there is a great documentary on his life and role as Q on Sky right now).

Secondly probably the best school boy attraction (apart from being a badass playboy) are the cool gadgets. Where is the car? For years the modifications have grown impressively, from weapons, to underwater swimming ability, to invisibility. We get, albeit beautiful, an old Aston DB5 which might have a still functioning ejector seat that Bond weirdly threatens M with…BANTER.

So what did we get: A gun – novel. And a Gps tracking system… ok. I see a Bond iPhone app in the next film where he can tweet the agency for help.

Also Q’s pitiful knowledge of computer systems (albeit fictional ones) would be something that makes Richard Ayoade (Maurice from the I.T. crowd) look like a superhuman computer genius.

Bérénice Marlohe (Séverine) – What happened to her? She got shot in the arm or something and was still standing. Then we never saw her again… maybe Bond doesn’t like damaged goods…

The Skyfall house scence – was kind of boring. Why did they take so long to blow up the house?

Bond’s parents – there was no real empathy for James having lost his parents. If they were alluding that M was his mother then why did Hagrid not recognise her? It was a weird unsuccessful attempt to bring a twist to the end.

M – died pathetically as well. Her and Bond have a difference of opinion throughout where James could not understand why sacrificing one agent for the sake of the rest of them and the whole integrity for MI6 (I thought he was meant to be smarts?). Also M should have slapped him and put him in his place as she is the boss…unless he was actually her son – in which case touché.

Javier Bardem – why was he gay?

Otherwise what was his motive? To kill M for making him gay? It looked like he was skilled enough to pull that off having got into her office. Maybe that is the allure of the Bond villain; incredibly skilled, but incredibly stupid.

All in all it could have been because Odeon are now charging me as much as a meal in a Michelin star restaurant accompanied by enough booze to get me to believe that I am Bond, James Bond.

Comments are closed.